That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
