There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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