Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
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