Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
