so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I could fuck to npr.
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