plz talk dirty to me
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize