piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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