...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
