she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I just want to make out with him forever
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
