Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
