On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
