no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
