tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
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