Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
You're so nebulous sometimes
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
