im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
try to milk me bitch
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