I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
