you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
