cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Randomize
