Capitaan dildo arrescate!
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
