id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
