Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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