I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I need a burrito and a hug.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
