Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
