It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
The power of my boobs compel you
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
