i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
