Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize