So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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