I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Girls should come with a carfax report
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
