and you said cock pushups were impossible
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
handjob tips. give me some.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
