her vagine was all disorganized.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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