I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
