so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
