she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
There's even glitter on my cock...
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
