i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
