its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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