If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize