the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
