There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
So squirting runs in the family.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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