The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
My ATM looks so different sober.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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