...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
