Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
