Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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