My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
My room smells like vodka and shame
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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