Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
