By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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