Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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