I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Randomize
