you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Ketchup is God's man juice
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
