Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
we're so committed to being not committed
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
