I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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