Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
