tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You pole danced in your parka.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
