big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
