if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
