you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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