Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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