I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
