May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
