Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
