hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
of course. lets lasso hookers.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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