I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I am one with the molecules
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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