you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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