i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
