I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
