Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Don't EVER smell your tampon
a search helicopter?!
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
