are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
