So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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