you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
