Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
