she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
