You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize